Why the Holidays Suck for Poor Single People
So. I know that this is a rather depressing and negative way to start off a new blog. However, it is now three am and I am sitting on the couch next to my Christmas tree, feeling somewhat lonely and sad for some reason so lay off my artistic whims. Anyway, I read this article the other day about "Why the Holidays are Sad for Singles". Firstly the title prompts the reader (if they've ever been single at any point) to say "Well, duh. Of course the holidays suck if you're single. It's all about being with someone you love and if you have no one, you might as well just skip it. Tell us something we freaking don't know. Etc..." But then, to my ultimate shock, the writer of this unfortunate publication then went on to give ten painfully obvious reasons why it isn't fun to sing carols on your own: They went something like this:
You don't have a date to the office Christmas party, you don't get a present from boy/girlfriend, you don't have anyone to tell you you don't look fat after scarfing that box of fudge, all of your family members ask why you're alone, you are in fact alone, you should just add to the exponential suicide rate during the holidays because you're worthless and incapable of joy, etc.
Well, after that jolly little foray into Christmas happy, I decided to compile my own (slightly more true and even more hilariously depressing) version of why the Holidays are not so holly jolly for the recently single. Robbit, I hereby dedicate this to you: (and me while I'm at it)
1) Every sappy Christmas movie ends up with someone falling in love. Except you. You're the one who finds the true meaning of Christmas. Yay.
2) While everyone else is singing "All I want for Christmas is you" by Mariah Carey, you get to sing the Chipmunks version of "Santa Baby"
3) Save the money you would've spent buying a present for that special someone and put it towards yet another video game.
4) Get a job in retail for the season. Then you really will hate Christmas.
5) There was never a better time--or excuse--to take up drinking!
6) 20% of all engagements at BYU take place over Christmas vacation. And it's still not too late to start drinking.
7) If you think it can't get any worse, just remember that you're not forced to live in some other war-torn country where they have no food and they don't have to watch people going Christmas jewelry shopping together or cuddling on every available snowy bench or skating hand in hand... Okay maybe don't think about that.
8) You might be alone, but at least everyone is too busy hooking up with someone else to notice and make fun of you, right?
9) You can sleep through the New Years countdown.
10) You can call me. I won't be doing anything.
You don't have a date to the office Christmas party, you don't get a present from boy/girlfriend, you don't have anyone to tell you you don't look fat after scarfing that box of fudge, all of your family members ask why you're alone, you are in fact alone, you should just add to the exponential suicide rate during the holidays because you're worthless and incapable of joy, etc.
Well, after that jolly little foray into Christmas happy, I decided to compile my own (slightly more true and even more hilariously depressing) version of why the Holidays are not so holly jolly for the recently single. Robbit, I hereby dedicate this to you: (and me while I'm at it)
1) Every sappy Christmas movie ends up with someone falling in love. Except you. You're the one who finds the true meaning of Christmas. Yay.
2) While everyone else is singing "All I want for Christmas is you" by Mariah Carey, you get to sing the Chipmunks version of "Santa Baby"
3) Save the money you would've spent buying a present for that special someone and put it towards yet another video game.
4) Get a job in retail for the season. Then you really will hate Christmas.
5) There was never a better time--or excuse--to take up drinking!
6) 20% of all engagements at BYU take place over Christmas vacation. And it's still not too late to start drinking.
7) If you think it can't get any worse, just remember that you're not forced to live in some other war-torn country where they have no food and they don't have to watch people going Christmas jewelry shopping together or cuddling on every available snowy bench or skating hand in hand... Okay maybe don't think about that.
8) You might be alone, but at least everyone is too busy hooking up with someone else to notice and make fun of you, right?
9) You can sleep through the New Years countdown.
10) You can call me. I won't be doing anything.
posted by Vandersun at
2:07 AM
1 Comments:
Veronica darling, you are starting to sound way too much like me.... I personally like the fact that I'm single. Come over and we'll drink hot coco and be bitter together, it's my new specialty.
By
Dice, at 2:44 PM
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