Billie Jean

Okay, so here is a brief exploration into a world which I cannot possibly begin to fathom of its meaning. Billy Jean's mind. At least, that's the name that I'm going to use for the person I am going to illustrate. Now, this is not to be taken as a slandrous statement of any kind, however, I find myself more perplexed than usual about the behavior of this type of individual. Of course, now that I think about it, I'm not completely sure that others like her do actually exist--up to this point I have only encountered one such specimen--but if they do, I wonder exceedingly at their ability to survive and procreate. It's not that these types are necessarily heinous to behold, but their behavior is just so, so... unnaturaly bizarre.

At this very moment, I sit and listen to the detached ramblings of just such a person, (it's not hard to guess which one) as they frame an e-mail directed at a past fling, a male which has gone without contact for quite some time. It goes something like this: "Dear ______, I'm not sure if you still use this account, but this is Billy Jean. I'm coming home soon and I don't know if you're in a serious relationship or not, but I really think we should hang out. And by hang out, I mean make out. To date you are the best kisser I've ever had, and so I think we should hook up. Call me, and if you don't I'll call you." After reading this aloud to me, she then rejected my proposed abridgements, some of which included maybe not mentioning making out on first contact (especially not knowing the marital status of the intended reader) at the risk of sounding desperate.

At my mention of the word, the writer looked at me with brash misunderstanding. "What the hell is desperate?" Oh, my mistake. "I'm not desperate. I don't care. I can make out with anyone else if he's not interested." Okay, sorry. I simply meant to assert that perhaps it is best to find out first if this person will even answer your message before you openly proposition them. After all, you need to hold something back, not give it all away at once. Otherwise you might be called a slut, yeah? Writer, [looking annoyed] "Honey, I'm a giver. I'm not a taker I give and what I give people want." OH. Sorry, I wasn't aware that there was such a demand for free services these days. (Okay that was rude.) It's just...you'd think that those who don't follow the natural rules of human interaction would learn after a while that you can't just not care what people say or how they treat you. You can't defy the laws of judgment just because you think you're right and that's just how it is. Can you?

Then again, these thoughts prompt me to ponder what would happen if we all behaved like _____. Would the laws of the universe just cease to exist? Would men actually begin to desire ignorance of impropriety as a necessary trait in dateable women? Would everyone start saying things like "Hell yeah, my skirt's too short. But you LOVE it. Just because you've got a boyfriend who's temple worthy doesn't mean he wouldn't rather date me." and be right? Can there be something that the rest of us just aren't getting, and maybe we're the ones that need to change?

Do we all need to become Billy Jean? And would the world end if we did?