Yawn la la la la...

I'm bored = New Blog.

http://vandersun.wordpress.com/

It's a 2008 Christmas, Bitch!

(In the style of Lil Bowow)

Christmas this year was better than any other,
Not because of road trips or presents and bows.
But mostly cause I didn't have to bother
With any of those crazy biatches and hos

That I'm usually forced to talk to this time of year
I know that sounds harsh but wait till you hear
Metrosexual meth head Uncle say "time for the telling
Of all the secrets you find most humiliating!"
Watch as embittered still-single-and-mid-forties Rel (ative)
Chimes in with comments most tittilating
About how everyone's going to hell,
Because they don't know that marriage is law.
Ah, these are the Holidays I've known so well.
Oh, yeah I almost forgot: Tra la la.

Now, just keep in mind direct family is excepted
From the crazy debaucherous stuff mentioned here
And for their own good, I wish they'd accepted
A ride out of Crazy Town, Destination: Here.
But instead they wanted to all be together
Even if that meant putting up with insanity.
Then again, maybe I'd have been there too
If I had a less tenuous hold on humanity.

Instead, however, this year was pleasant.
(And not just because I got some kick ass presents)
Without extended drama or perilous roads
It was nice to be able to lighten my load
By shopping and sleeping in and writing and stuff.

Although I didn't do much, it was 'just enough'
To leave me thinking of all the things I treasure
And help me remember small things give pleasure
When you pay attention and delight in small ways
It's easy enough to find happiness in each day.

And, though it sounds cheesy and a little cliche',
I wouldn't have spent this Christmas any other way.

On Reception Lines

There will be a Reception Line in Hell. And if I am very, very naughty, I will be forced to stand in it. Most likely, somewhere at the front.
This is the worst position of The Line because, at the front, every miserable peon who passes through the never ending procession gets stuck in a metaphysical "bottleneck" created by the slow movers, the uber chatters, and the oldies and is therefore forced to converse with The Line's Frontman for a much longer period of time than is necessary, right or even humane. In addition to the responsibilities of greeting the masses of strangers that may or may not have any interest in actually BEING in the line in the first place (but must queue for propriety's sake), they also have to entertain those who step up to the front. And, as I have now learned, the entertainment must be sufficient to prevent the nameless masses from prematurely bailing out of the line.
Which brings me to my second lesson learned. Escape from the line is unacceptable, and must be prevented at all costs. Especially escape by the poor captives IN the line. Heaven forbid they should sneak out for a few moments to get some punch and miss two or three of the enthralled audience members that would've normally gotten to witness their riveting banter. Oh nooo, especially when the attempted escapees are of the bridesmaid, insignificant friend, or brother of the actual couple for whom the festivities are planned.
I know that when I go to a wedding, MY first thought is "Oh, I can't wait to see the sister of the Groom so I can tell her how she looks NOTHING like she did as a small child." or perhaps, "I've just noticed that the bridesmaid on the far left of the line has a slightly different haircolor than she did five years ago. I should inform her of this discrepancy at once!" (Honestly, you'd be surprised how many people have the Exact Same thought patterns when faced with this type of situation.)
Seriously though, one thing I've learned about The Wedding this week is that when I eventually decide to throw my own party, I will NOT be subjecting my bridesmaids and close friends to this type of torture. Now that I think about it, though, if I choose people that I truly HATE to be my bridesmaids, this might actually be an excellent way to exact my revenge...

The Most Weddingrful Time of the Year

I'm homeless for Christmas this year.

This might sound depressing to some. Well for me, it isn't. And it is. In it's own way. You see, the problem with Christmas this year is that for most of the people in my family, it isn't really about presents, joy, love, and parties related to the birth of Christ. It's mostly about presents, joy, love, and parties related to The Wedding.

Now, I've nothing against The Wedding in a personal sense, it's just that... well, it really does tend to sort of rob the spirit of Christmas. You know, the part where we all talk about peace on earth and goodwill toward men, and such? Doing good for the poor, reaching out to the Mr. Kruger types, and spending quality time with close friends next to the Christmas tree, etc... I spent two hours today wrapping candies in white tulle. Truly, I feel as though I have helped the world today.

Another thing that I find very exciting is the prospect of being far faaaar away from the people I love this Christmas, (at times more than my actual family) as I spend a collective 45 hours of my holiday in the car, 14 or more hours in heels and a mormon prom dress, and about 20 hours eating food that I wouldn't normally eat, in quantities I shouldn't, and with people I don't know. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

As for the people I will miss the most in my life this year, I think at the top of the list would have to be my car. Ah, Rojita. I never realized how much I appreciate you and the sweet sweet freedom that you offer me until now. Next would be Jake, who I need for many reasons, but a new one that I've discovered is sanity. I literally cannot be rational unless I've got someone else around who thinks I can be. When I'm treated like someone's little sister or someone's child, I'm gonna act like it dangit. I also need Janell, because she validates my ideas. Why doesn't anyone else understand what the heck I'm talking about? She does. Geez. And Olivia would help me ridicule the hilarious customs of Mormonia that I admit to being part of proudly but refuse to fully embrace. Tara's pragmatic attitude about life would also come in handy as I tackle crying fits because someone can't find their left earring. I shall also miss my bedroom, a LOT. Not only because it's got an actual bed in it, but mainly because it's mine. Mine, I tell you! All minnne.

Had a Gollum moment there. Anyway, what I'm trying to illustrate is that this Christmas is NOT like any other Christmases I have yet to experience, and so crazy crap is bound to happen. I shall attempt to keep everyone who cares posted on what goes down, yo.

Peace. (On earth, but not necessarily Goodwill to All Men)

Here We Go Again...

Okay. I just wrote about four pages of what's going on now, then I deleted it, because I want to do it again in iambic pentameter. I just gotta be me...

So here goes: Christmas of 2006

It's Christmas of 2006
I'd rhyme here, but nothing fits
I'm finally home and all is swell
Except for almost everything, well
Life aint perfect, and I would know
This past year love was pretty slow
And school was crap, but bound to improve
My roomate's insane, but I can't move
My job is awesome but gets me attention
Which isn't my favorite, I should mention
The camera adds 15 or so
Which means I've got about 20 to go
The extended fam is still pretty scary
With Grandma sick and Uncle Larry
But at least we're all here together
Sharing in the beautiful rainy weather
And finals are over, I'm grateful for this
Although, good grades I will surely miss
This semester I was rather distracted
And can't really remember what I subtracted
But now that I've gotten a thing or two more
I'm feeling a bit punchier than before ;)
Don't take that the wrong way, you know the reason
Besides, as they always say: Tis the Season

And now I can sit back and watch it unfold
Because let's face it, this year has made me feel old
And with Christmas approaching, there's just one medication
To end a crazy year with some even crazier relations!

The End of the Beginning

This will be the final deemed entry of this epic dialogue. Okay, so it wasn't very epic. It was a lot like the year, actually. Very short, fun, sappy, crazy, and a little sad. So to last year (2005) I dedicate my last blog.

January came around, I turned 19, and was dropped unceremoniously onto my own two feet. February was slightly less terrifying, and I think a little more depressing on some ways. I was warming to my new job, and excited for the future. March was the beginning of the Chad conspiracy, which rocked me little if at all. April was a time of friends and fun, and no more responsibility or study. A pretty damn awesome month. May turned friends into loved ones, and in some cases dateable. Then June turned them back again. June was also the first time I fell in love. Or began to, anyway. July and August seemed to pass in a cloud, and I'm sure those with whom I used to do those things that I used to value wondered where I went. September made me a different person for many reasons. I had to question everything I'd ever known--and for the first time decide on my own what was real. At the end of September, I had it all figured out. Then October came and exploded my little reality, showing me that we never really do figure anything out at all. November would've been passed in a drunken haze, if I drank. But then work and the love of close friends was my vikaden. December has been (was) filled with confusion and endless questions, with no answers to be seen. Blessings filled the space that might have turned the confusion into madness. I think I'll write a song about that. No one can ever know what impact a year will have on our lives, until it has passed. As for me, I still wonder about the meaning of 2005.

I suppose it was the beginning of something. And now we've reached the end of the beginning and now the story must ensue.

My Very Own Fantasy Christmas

And because I think Chrissy is one of the awesomest things since baked bread, I am now going to flatter him with imitation (which is the sincerest form of flattery) and copy his ingenious idea of making a very unrealistic (and slightly belated) Christmas Wish List.

So, without further ado, here is my Belated Holiday Wish List:
(p.s. - It's better than Chris's because it's in iambic pentameter)

I couldn't possibly ask for more Christmas cheer,
For I'm incredibly blessed.
But, while we're all here...
I would've liked to have just one sweater,
A great big white cashmire one-all the better.
And it's never too late for a Man Farm to start
Stocked with ripped twenty-somethings
Who won't break my heart.
A move to Florida would've been gay
Had it not placed my friends so freaking far away.
So now Colerado is my paradise
I can only hope my friends
Will visit once or twice.
A call from a boy who I find quite charming
Could be really nice, and somewhat disarming.
For one thing this Christmas I could've done without,
Was the manhating grudge, and the perpetual pout.
From Provo, the things that it hurt most to leave
Were my friends, for whom I will soon surely grieve.
Because honestly, leaving will suck quite a lot.
Can I not take them with me?
Cause that would be hot.
Until then, I will wish for the time I have left,
To be filled with laughter, and the ones I love best.
Please let me have a New Years Kiss,
From someone I hope isn't reading this.
And maybe a promise that I won't be forgotten,
Because--don't forget--I'll be back by next Autumn!